The occasional banter, playful remarks and teasing (the cute kind) is sometimes allowed to keep that spark alive in a relationship. However, as relationship expert Lora Huber says, there is a thin line between having fun and belittling in a relationship. Sometimes, without realizing, it is possible that you may cross over that line and say something deeply hurtful to your partner.

And the thing with belittling in a relationship is that it starts off small and very casually. She might occasionally joke about how your clothes never match or he might sometimes mess with you and make fun of your cooking skills. At first, you don’t see it and you learn to brush it off. Because you know that they love you and that’s what matters.

However, sooner or later - you realize that you need to stop taking their words at face value. There’s something deeper that’s going on there and it’s coming from a different place. Call it lack of respect or lack of love, let’s look at some examples of belittling in a relationship.

Examples Of Belittling In A Relationship

Belittling in a relationship has many forms. It creeps up on you in all kinds of ways and you only realize how sinister it is, when it’s too late. Here are a few examples.

1. Insulting you

Insulting what you do for them or insulting any of your hobbies or occupation, if they try to reject you for who you are, then they are definitely belittling you. This could include them saying things to you such as “You look awful in that outfit” or “You should probably stop playing video games so much”.

2. Ignoring you

Not hearing you over the sound of the TV, while it is rude, it is still one thing. But ignoring your needs, wants and stake in the relationship is a whole other story. A story you cannot overlook. Everything from ‘forgetting’ to buy you peanut butter on their way home to talking over you at a party and not letting you tell your side of the story - they could be belittling you in a relationship without you even realizing it.

3. Patronising you

When they patronise you, they seem to tower over you and act like you’re this sorry little child who cannot do anything about them. Even saying a mere ‘Classic Amelia’ when you spill orange juice on the floor in the morning, could point to patronising behavior. Interrupting to correct you, explaining things to you over and over again - could actually be very condescending behavior and are examples of belittling in a relationship.

4. Provoking you

Wanting a reaction out of you and trying to trigger the same are not only awful things to do in a relationship, but also a form of belittling someone. Provoking somebody comes from a place of disrespect for the other person’s emotions and feelings. So if they start screaming at you to get a reaction or try to push your buttons often, then they are indeed treating you very poorly in this relationship.

5. Disrespecting your opinions

Disagreeing with you and having a different opinion is fair. But using your opinion against you in order to make you feel little is a form of belittling in a relationship. If they often say, “It’s stupid to think like that” or “Are you silly? That’s not how things work” then they are in fact abusing you emotionally. Instead of understanding your point of view, they think that they can just censure you as if you are a child.

As you can see, belittling in a relationship is not just about loud insults or screaming. It lies in the little things, incidents that are so little that they can breeze right by you. However, they do imprint your subconscious which can lead to other feelings of negative self worth or insecurity issues within you. That’s why it's important to understand all these forms of belittling in a relationship.