On some nights, when her dorm room in Lisbon turns dark and the church bells stop ringing, the young trumpet player thinks about the distant afternoon when her uncle took her to the graveyard to gather stones.
That was in Afghanistan, in the chaotic days after the United States withdrew last year and the Taliban reasserted control. Her uncle had insisted that they pay respects at the family cemetery before they packed their bags with walnuts and spices and books of poems by Rumi, before they began their lives as refugees.
Standing by the graves, she watched as her uncle closed his eyes and listened to the wind. The ancestors, he said, were displeased with their decision to leave Afghanistan. Even the stones, he said, seemed to speak, urging them to stay.
Zohra Ahmadi, 13, could not hear the voices her uncle described. But as she scooped rocks and soil from the cemetery into a plastic container, following her uncles instructions, she said she heeded his words and vowed one day to return.
On a sweltering May morning, when the sun had already melted buckets of ice at the seafood market and the priests at Nossa Senhora da Ajuda church were just beginning their morning verses, a series of unfamiliar sounds emanated from the top of a former military hospital in western Lisbon.
The strumming of a sitar, the pounding of tablas, the plucking of a violin these were coming from the hospital, now the makeshift home of the Afghanistan National Institute of Music. More than two dozen of its young musicians had gathered for one of their first rehearsals since arriving as refugees in December.
Under the U.S.-backed government in Kabul, the institute, which opened in 2010, had flourished, becoming a symbol of Afghanistans changing identity. It was a rare coeducational establishment in a country where boys and girls were often kept separate. While many programs focused exclusively on Afghan culture or Western music, it embraced both, preparing hundreds of young artists, many of them orphans and street hawkers, for careers in the performing arts.
The Taliban had long treated it as a threat. Fearing for their safety, more than 250 students and teachers as well as their relatives fled Afghanistan and sought shelter abroad in the months after the U.S.s withdrawal, eventually arriving in Portugal, where they were all granted asylum. In their absence, the Taliban commandeered the institute, damaging instruments and turning classrooms into offices and dorms.
As students prepared to make music that morning, Ahmad Naser Sarmast, the schools leader, spoke about the role they could play in countering the Taliban, a presence even in the rehearsal room, with news of starvation, violence and persecution back home lighting up the students phones.
We can show the world a different Afghanistan, said Sarmast, who was wounded by a Taliban suicide bomber who infiltrated a school play in 2014. We will show how we can raise the voices of our people. We will show where we stand.
The students readied their instruments. First, they played a popular Afghan song, Sarzamin-e Man, or My Homeland. Then they turned to a new work, A Land Out of Earth? written by a conductor of the orchestra, Mohammad Qambar Nawshad. He explained the inspiration for his piece: Aug. 15, 2021, the day the Taliban seized Kabul. He had stayed home, scared and shaking.
That was the day everyone left us alone, and we were in the hands of evil, he said. There was no longer any guarantee that a team of Taliban would not come search for each of us and kill us.
He lifted his arms, locked eyes with the students, and the room filled with the sounds of violin and sitar.
First, it was the music of Tchaikovsky that captured Zohras imagination: the Neapolitan Dance from Swan Lake, which she liked to play on repeat as she danced around her room. Then she fell for more popular fare: big-band hits and standards by singer Ahmad Zahir, the Afghan Elvis.
By 9, Zohra was convinced: She wanted to be a professional musician and a ballerina, a mathematician and a physicist. She decided to start with the trumpet. Her parents enrolled her at the Afghanistan National Institute of Music, sending her from her native Ghazni province, in southeastern Afghanistan, to Kabul to live with her uncle.
She excelled at her music studies, mastering Afghan folk songs as well as classical works. But when the Taliban took power last year, her trumpet became a liability.
The Taliban had banned nonreligious music when it last held power, from 1996 to 2001. In the weeks after the U.S.s withdrawal, Taliban fighters harassed and intimidated musicians and pressured radio stations, wedding halls and karaoke parlors to stop playing nonreligious songs.
Zohras relatives worried she would be punished if she were caught playing her trumpet. In August, her uncle sent the instrument back to Zohras mother in Ghazni, along with a violin, a flute and a harmonium.
We didnt want to keep anything in Kabul that showed we were playing music, Zohra said. I didnt know what could happen to me if I were caught.
The books and paintings inside their home were also a risk, her uncle had determined. One night, in the wood stove they used to keep warm in the winter, he burned the familys most prized possessions: works by Sigmund Freud, novels by Salman Rushdie and portraits that his brother had painted.
Zohra tried not to watch, running from the fire. But from a distance, she caught glimpses of her favorite books being destroyed. My heart, she said, was burning.
In Portugal, the Afghans enjoy newfound freedoms. The boys and girls can go swimming together. They can date. The girls can wear shorts and skirts without fear of judgment. The older students can drink alcohol.
But life in Lisbon has also been a challenge. The students spend their days largely inside the military hospital, where they eat, sleep, rehearse, wash clothes and play table tennis, nervous about venturing too far or making new friends. Unaccustomed to Portuguese food, they keep bottles of curry, cardamom and peppercorn in their rooms to add familiar flavors to traditional dishes, like grilled sardines and scrambled eggs with smoked sausage.
On weekdays, they go to a local school for special classes in Portuguese and history, practicing phrases like Bom dia and Obrigado and learning about the countrys Roman Catholic heritage.
Some students, including Mohammad Sorosh Reka, 16, a sitar player, made the 5,000-mile journey to Portugal alone. He has watched from a distance as friends and family share news of bomb attacks, mass unemployment and corruption scandals.
In phone calls and WhatsApp messages, Reka tells his family to stay strong and to imagine a day when the Taliban loses power. Not wanting to add to his familys troubles, he avoids speaking about the challenges he faces adapting to life in Portugal. He wears a golden ring that his mother gave him two days before he left Afghanistan, to remember his family.
Sometimes theyre giving me hope, he said, and sometimes Im giving them hope.
He blames the United States and its allies, at least in part, for the turmoil in his home country.
They were our friends and helping us, telling us they were here to help us at any time, Reka said. When the Taliban took Afghanistan, they just left and disappeared. Thats why we are very hopeless and sad.
At night, the students often dream about Afghanistan. Amanullah Noori, 17, the concertmaster of the school orchestra, has recurring nightmares about Taliban attackers, armed with guns, descending on his parents home in Kabul. Sometimes he dreams about trying to return to Afghanistan, only to be blocked by the Taliban.
He receives messages from friends back in Afghanistan, fellow musicians who have given up their careers because of Taliban restrictions on playing music. They tell him they have hidden their instruments inside closets and cellars, fearing they might be attacked for being artists.
The Taliban doesnt want to hear music anymore, Noori said. They want a world that is silent.
For months on end last fall, Zohra was trapped in Kabul, unable to get a passport to leave Afghanistan.
She watched with envy as her classmates fled for Doha on special flights arranged by the government of Qatar. (A global network of philanthropists, artists, educators and officials helped the school get its students and staff and their relatives to safety.)
As the weeks stretched on, Zohra began to doubt whether she would ever be able to join her friends and teachers. She remembered the days in Kabul when she and her classmates played music late into the night and sang together in the school choir.
At her uncles home, Zohra passed the time by learning to weave handkerchiefs, bags and scarves. There were only a few books left in the home, which she read so many times, she said, that she could recite some passages by memory.
Sometimes, when no one was watching, she said she put her hands in the air and pretended to play her trumpet.
I could hear it in my head, she said, just like when I was in the practice room.
Then, in mid-November, nearly three months after the Taliban seized power, Zohra; her uncle, Juma Ahmadi; and her cousin, Farida, 13, who also studied at the institute, got their passports. They boarded a flight for Doha, where they were quarantined and awaited visas to enter Portugal.
When they landed, Sarmast, the schools leader, hugged them and cried as they rushed off the plane. They were the last three in the group to make it out of Afghanistan.
There was never a moment, he told them, when I doubted that I would get you out.
On her first day in Doha, Zohra started a journal. She wrote that she was heading to Europe to begin life as a refugee.
I am hopeful, she wrote, that the future in Portugal is bright for us all.
Over time, the girls who make up about one-quarter of the schools 100 students have begun to feel more at ease. They have learned to ride bicycles in the schools courtyard. They occasionally join the boys for lunch at McDonalds, teasing them about their stylish sunglasses. They go out on weekends, to the beach or shopping for clothes or chocolate chip cookies.
Sevinch Majidi, 18, a violinist, said she felt she had the freedom to pursue her own education and interests in Portugal, free from expectations around marriage and child-rearing and the restrictions of Afghanistans patriarchal society.
When I was walking on the streets of Kabul, I was scared, said Majidi, who plays in an all-female ensemble at the school. This is the first time I can walk without fear, without being scared.
The boys, too, are changing. While many of them felt pressure in Kabul to go to mosques regularly, some have taken a more relaxed approach to their faith in Portugal, choosing to sleep through services during the Eid holidays.
After rehearsal one day for upcoming concerts in Portugal and abroad, a group of boys went swimming in the Tagus River, on the edge of the Atlantic.
Sami Haidari, a 15-year-old cellist, paused before he went into the water. He took in the ocean scene men in fluorescent shorts stretched out on the sand next to women in bikinis and wiggled his toes in the sand. Joining hands with his friends, he charged toward the water.
I feel free; the ocean brings us freedom, he said after returning to shore, his teeth chattering. We have water in Afghanistan, but not like this. Afghanistans water is very small. Thats not free.
In Lisbon, Zohra has embraced the strangeness of her new surroundings. She is a star student in Portuguese, she plays jazz in the wind ensemble, and she has learned to cook eggs and potatoes on her own.
In her journal, she jots down her plans to lead a music school of her own one day, alongside reflections on music and a few short stories, including one about gamblers in New York City.
There are not any human beings without wishes and dreams, she wrote in her journal. I am one of these humans too. One cant be without dreams because dreams give us hope.
If you have a dream, follow it, even if its the worst of dreams, she added. One has to struggle for the best of dreams and for the worst of dreams.
Inside Room 509 of the former military hospital, where she lives with her uncle and her cousin, she has hung drawings of ballerinas and horses. A poster lists the Portuguese words for family members: mãe, pai, irmão, irmã.
There are reminders of Afghanistan: photos of her grandfather, decorated with hearts and butterflies; a book of poems; and a painting of her grandmother.
Below a gold vase on the windowsill is the container of rocks and soil from the ancestral grave. Next to it, she keeps another container filled with the soil she collected from the campus of the Afghanistan National Institute of Music in Kabul.
Zohra said she still remembered peaceful days in Ghazni province, when her family gathered near the mountains and made chicken soup and kebabs. She said she hopes that her parents can join her someday in Lisbon, too.
Looking out at the Tagus River from her room, she said the people of Afghanistan needed music, just like residents of other countries.
I really want to go back to Afghanistan someday, she said. When the Taliban are not there.
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.