What if your spouse wants to use a surrogate?
Unable to reproduce naturally, families rightly consider surrogate mothers heroes. However, not many people remember the faithful companions of these heroic women - their husbands or partners. After all, psychological and physical comfort and support of a loved one is very important for a normal pregnancy. When you decide to help people as a surrogate, you should know how this choice will affect your husband, who is already unsure. And also, what will help convince him of the right decision and, at the same time, maintain a warm relationship.
Feskov Human Reproduction Group implements unique surrogacy programs with the selection of a surrogate mother of any phenotype with whom it is even possible to get acquainted and communicate.
An open conversation with a doubtful husband
First of all, it is desirable that the future surrogate mother has a clear understanding of the whole process and is able to calmly convey information to her partner. What this represents is months of meetings with doctors, trips to the clinic, tests, examinations, physical pain, emotional costs not only for the woman, but also for all members of her family. Especially for a loving husband.
A detailed discussion with your husband or partner of the situation and his agreement in principle is necessary. For a successful pregnancy as a surrogate, it is important that the husband and wife are in the same boat.
A calm and open conversation is the best way to overcome difficulties before and during the process. You should choose the right time and place for the conversation so that there are no distractions. Moments that most often cause a loved one to worry:
- anxiety about a woman's health;
- the reaction of own children;
- what friends and family will say;
- the wife's attachment to someone else's child;
- why she wants to give birth to a child from a strange man and not from him (in case her wife refuses to have another baby), etc.
There are still a lot of illogical fears, but all of them should also be considered in order to reassure your loved one. We have to agree that surrogate pregnancy is a challenge for the family, which is desirable to pass with love and understanding.
Next, it is worth arguing in favor of:
- sympathy for people who are fighting infertility. You can tell your partner the inspiring story of a particular family;
- desire to help, involvement in someone else's misfortune;
- the wife likes to feel pregnant;
- financial compensation that will benefit the family: to pay off debts, save for education, make renovation, make a house contribution, etc.
In the event that the husband is not yet ready to accept his wife's point of view, he should be given time to think things over and return to the conversation later.
How will surrogate pregnancy affect couples' relationships?
Each family couple is individual. And the influence that surrogate motherhood will have on your family is unknown. Some face more problems in time, some - less. But there are some common points that affect the relationship:
- limitation of intimate contacts. Collaboration with a fertility specialist is a necessary stage in the event. You will have to take hormones before transplanting the embryo in order to increase the likelihood of success. At this time, an unexpected pregnancy may occur. Therefore, for a month or more, intimate contact with your husband is not permitted. It is also not known how the partner will feel about intercourse during pregnancy with another person's child. And whether this will be allowed by doctors;
- increased responsibilities. During this difficult period, part of the daily care at home and with children is taken over by the partner, because of the pregnant woman's condition. He may need help;
- talk about pregnancy. Family members, acquaintances, friends and even strangers will ask a lot of questions. As for the surrogate pregnancy, there will be even more comments. So, you have to be prepared to have a calm dialogue;
- reduced activity. The new state dictates new rules. Many active family activities will have to be postponed: an amusement park with children, a long holiday on the islands or a rock concert. Instead, you can come up with other pleasant ways to spend time together at home.
With a reasonable approach to the process, everything can be solved as constructively as possible.
Ways to maintain a happy relationship in a surrogate period
During the difficult period of surrogate motherhood, even the most stable relationships will be tested for strength. The following ways will help to keep the relationship with your partner as healthy as possible, filled with happiness and understanding:
- active involvement. The husband should feel that he is part of an important and noble issue. And to do this, you should visit doctors together, attend important meetings and ask for moral support at all stages;
- constant contact. The struggle for effective couple interaction always involves sincere conversation and clarification of all the nuances that raise questions. Open communication is the key to a normal relationship. You should talk at all stages of the process, one-on-one or with a consultant.
Concentrate on positive things. We should not forget the reasons why the family chose to have this experience. In particularly stressful situations, the thought of what surrogate motherhood gives (a substantial amount of money for education or renovation) will help to calm down.
- remembering that this situation is temporary. It is possible that during the process, the husband and wife may be a little distant, because additional household chores will be put on the husband. But you should always keep in mind that this is temporary. When this is over, life will return to its course.
- knowing that there are other couples who have been through this. Nobody is alone in this world. Having the Internet, you can always find families with experience of surrogate pregnancy and ask them to share their impressions. Support of people who have faced this kind of problem is invaluable.
Pregnancy itself is a very emotional period, and for a partner who does not see the ultimate benefit from the process, it is twice as difficult. But perhaps by going through this difficult period together, the relationship will become even stronger.
Throughout surrogacy programs at fixed prices at Feskov Human Reproduction Group, we ensure constant psychological monitoring for surrogate mum. We guarantee help and support for potential parents at all stages of the process. With us - surrogate time will fly by quickly and inconspicuously, in the pleasant hassle of waiting for your dear baby!